Dream on
by Lonaargh
Summary: After a few moments of slumber..I wake up in Port Royal..This is why I don't like sleep FINISHED
1. Nighty Night

I've got a serious writers block on my CSI story..so I've decided to write a POTC story  
jumps up and down, looking extremely happy with herself  Right...problem with the POTC is just that it is very difficult-like to write an original story :rolls eyes: Everything has been done before, going back in time, throwing Jack forward in time etc. and in almost every one of them Jack falls in love with the main character..  
Nah...I hate being original.  
Just read it!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own a POTC dvd!! But sadly enough I do not own Jack, or Will or anyone else from that dvd  crawls on her bed to cry very much  
  
**_It's the year...awww forget it. Nobody cares for that kind of information._**   
  
I'm sitting in front of my TV, watching Pirates for about the million and oneth time: "We know you're 'ere puppet!" "Of course you know she's there, you've been over that place for a million and one times by now" I sigh. Bloody pirates, you'd think they would know that by now. Don't they ever read the script? My mom yells from downstairs: "Ilona! Have you got any idea what time it is? Turn that thing off and go to sleep!" Drat, busted.   
  
Lying in my bed I try to stay awake. Mainly because I don't like sleeping very much, you never know what happens when you're asleep. Everybody can do anything to you. Like putting a frog on your forehead and shaving cream in your hand. I really, really do NOT like that particular joke Nope, I'm not falling asleep...no sir ee, wide awake. As awake as awake can be.  
Suddenly I hear someone yell: "Hey you, it costs a shilling to tie you boat up to the dock". Wha? I left that DVD on? I make a sound like "grrrmpfff" and turn around in my bed.  
  
The only problem with that is that my bed isn't quite there anymore. THUMP As I'm studying wood from really, really close range I hear an awful familiar voice say: "What about three shillings, and no name?". Gawd no... This is so not happening: "Welcome to Port Royal..mister Smith" Lifting my head from the wooden walk bridge, I just get a glimpse of a pirate stealing a little bag of money.   
  
Great. just great... Now you see what I mean? Just taking a little nap and WHAMMY... you're in a movie. A very good movie, for sure, but still, a movie. Trying to scribble back on my feet I look around for the camera's: "Hey..hey you guys! Cut! I'm sorry I'm ruining the movie but I'm kind of lost" Everybody looks as though they've seen a Martian landing. "Hello? Some help here?". Still no reaction. Stupid actors.  
  
**_So, after a few minutes of standing at the docks, looking really helpless, Ilona started to explore the great town that's called Port Royal. Right..erhm..whatever.  
  
_**I'm sure I turned left here somewhere... perhaps  I'll recognize something around that corner. Nope...Great. Then I remember something. Shouldn't the scene in which that commodore guy shows his sword thingy off, happen about now? Yay, I hear drums! Just follow the music, girl.  
Left, right, another right. Jeez..this town looks like a maze. Stumbling upon another dock I realize I must've taken a wrong turn somewhere. Drat. Lost again. And now that drumming stopped too. sigh   You know..somehow this place seems familiar.. Why are those two guys running towards me? Aaah..attack of the weird dressed men! I prepare to jump out of the way : "Excuse me miss, this dock is off limit to civilians" Blink "Oh..just you guys" the two actors look a wee bit puzzled: "Did we get acquainted before miss?" the one with the big nose asks. "Well..no..bit I did saw the movie" they look even more puzzled now. Hmm... perhaps this isn't a movie after all.. "Miss, would you please get off this dock? It still is off limit for civilians" "If I see one, I'll inform you immediately". No.. Why does he have to be here?  
  
Told you it wasn't about to be a very original one. Just review, maybe I'll quit writing before it gets annoying Evil laugh


	2. Bloody actors

Yipes...I've already got 4 reviews! (that's about double the number I got on my first story about CSI) So, I guess I'll just get along with being annoying then.  
  
Oew, oew.. by the way, Pirate Blondie, I am so sorry that my story looks a lot like yours. I swear that I didn't intended to. Just hope that me stealing your ideas doesn't stop you from reading my story grins  
  
So..Disclaimthingy: I still do not own POTC.  But I'm thinking of a scheme to obtain it though.  
  
  
Looking at the pirate I can already predict what he's going to say: "....How come two of such upstanding gentlemen like yourselves did not merit an invitation?". Geez, how predictable. "Ahem, excuse me..." "We're here to make sure this dock stays off limit to civilians"  Blah blah blah. I start to look around while Jack and the two guys are babbling to each other. Hey.. that must be the Interceptor. Let's take a little look.   
  
 "...Could possibly be any other ship then the Black Pearl?" Oh, they must be about done by now. Finally. Jack already stands at the steering wheel. "Hey you two! Get away from there!" That's not fair! Now I'm doing something wrong they notice me. "You don't have permission to be on board there, mate" After this the skinny guy says a bit uncomfortable: "And Miss"   
  
Oh please.  
  
Stepping down from the little stairs I was standing on, I reply: "Listen, he is a pirate, I'm not even supposed to be here. So just get your director, let someone drive me home and everybody can get on with their lives... agree?" Again with the  I'm not getting this looks. Sigh. I lean against the ships' railing and listen to the three men start babbling their usual lines again.  
  
Hey.. that must be the cliff of which Lizzie will come sailing down from any minute now. Speaking about that: "Ahem.. sorry to interrupt your talking, but shall I take your effects from you?" Jack looks at me: "Why?" I shrug: "Oh well... never mind" Jack blinks a couple of times: "You sure you're okay missy? Anyway, where was I? Oh yes...and then they made me their captain" "splash" I mumble. "Hey...she's late!" SPLASH  Smiling   "Ah.. there she is. No Jack, they won't be saving her, they can't swim" Standing up, I walk towards the place where Lizzie should be thrown at the dock again.   
  
Sitting on top of a crate I watch as Jack throws Elizabeth on to the wood. He gazes at me: "How did you knew that?" "I read the script, you should try that sometimes you know. It prevents unwanted surprises" They're ripping her corset of her body now. Ah, there's the commodore, finally, that took like, forever. "On your feet" Tap Tap on shoulder The commodore turns his head to look at me. Big grin from me: "Hi there, could you be so kind as to drop me off at some police station where I can call my parents to pick me up?"  
No reaction.. just a stare. I blink and wave my hand in front of his eyes: "Erhm.. Hello? Anyone at home?"  
  
 "Gilette, would you please escort the lady away from here? This isn't a proper place for a decent lady" Wha? Oh.. right... Staying in the character. I get it. I look at Gilette as he walks with me towards town again: "So.. the nearest payphone, is that far away from here?" "I beg your pardon Miss? I haven't got the slightest idea what you're talking about" Stopping I put my hands in my sides and look extremely pissed off: "Listen buster, this joke has lasted long enaaah!" For some stupid reason Jack has chosen me to take for a hostage. "Let the lady go Mr. Sparrow! Men! Lower your weapons!" I can feel Jack grin: "I knew you'd warm up to me"   
  
Grrr... I do not want to be in a movie "Let me go! I don't get paid for this, and I do not want to play along" Jack pulls the chains a bit tighter across my throat "Shut up" he whispers. "Commodore, my effects please" The commodore hands them to me. Jack turns me around: "Would you be so kind?" He is kidding right? First he's almost strangling me, and then he wants me to actually dress him up?: "Dream on". Pushing him backwards I'm talking to him in a really, extremely, very pissed off manner: "How do you dare doing this to me? Have you completely lost your mind?"   
  
I'm prodding with my finger in his chest: "You should have taken Elizabeth over there as you hostaaaaaaaaaaaaa...." Before I can even finish my sentence Jack has grabbed that stupid rope and lifted the handle. Result: The going up and spinning around that pole extremely fast, extremely high in the air. With Jack holding my wrist. I hate heights!   
  
Ooooh... I feel sick from the spinning around. Jack sort of throws me on top of that very tiny, very small plateau. "You have two choices now, young lady. Either you hold on to me tightly, or you can stay here and let those guards save you" "What kind of a choice is that? Of course I'm staying here! I want to go home.." He nods and uses his shackles to abseil down. And this actions instantly reveals one little problem: My necklace is stuck on his shirt: "No, no, no, no, no wait, I'm stuck on your.. nooooo" He doesn't even wait for me but jumps down, my only option is to cling on him if I don't want to get beheaded by my own necklace.   
  
Clinging really tight The ground is coming way too fast towards us: "Start running!" I hear Sparrow yell in my ear. When I open my eyes again we are running across that wooden bridge. I can hear the bullets impact in the wood "They're shooting at me! What've I done?!"  
  
_Yay, another chapter done. I've got a terrible sense of humor. I think I'll get rid of the movie line in the next chapter. It is getting a little bit boring by now.  
So..tell me..Am I annoying yet?_  
  
 


	3. It's pink Gasp

Author's note: No… I do not hate Jack Sparrow or Johnny Depp. I'm just trying to make it a non- mushy story. I try to imagine how people experience me when I'm having a bad day… So I guess you all know how I'll react when I'm hung over… for example. Creepy thought…  
  
Disclaimer: I have a partner in crime!! She and I are pondering how to steal POTC. Until then, we don't own any of those character. Oh, and I asked my parents.. it appears that I don't even own myself…  
**_  
  
How predictable it may be, we find Ilona and Jack again in Will's blacksmith. Ilona looking a little bit cross, and Jack being upset with her. I wonder why sniggers _**  
  
"If ya didn't want to be 'ere, then why did you come along with me?!" He yells at me. I don't like being yelled at. "Because my bloody necklace was attached to your stupid shirt! And if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now" I'm striding towards the door when Jack grabs me by my collar: "Oh no you don't. You got me in this 'ere mess, an' you'll be getting me out of it" No one, I repeat, nó one just grabs me by my collar as if I'm a disobedience little puppy: "Release me.. and I mean right now!" He doesn't seem impressed by my Look, I'm incredibly angry with you look.  
  
Argh! I start to hate.. sorry… dislike pirates a lot. "Bloody (censored due to young readers reading this and me not wanting to change the rating). You bit me!" Jack released his grip on my dress. … erhm… wait.. did I just said dress? I'm wearing a dress? "WHOA" Jack seems to be amusing himself with the unconscious drunk bearded fellow. I'm staring down at my newly acquired dress.. it's pink! It's very pink! It's pink with all sort of fluffy things on it! I never wear dresses.. It's not because I don't like them.. it's just because.. well.. I'm not a dress person. But I certainly strongly have a disliking feeling against anything pink. Hears clinging, you know.. the sound of a hammer against an anvil "That's not going to work you know?" I sigh, still looking disgustedly at my dress.. my awful fringy pink dress.   
  
Then I hear someone taking an iron out of the fire: "NO! Don't even think about that!" I yell: "Let me lead the donkey forward.. without hurting it by any sort of way". Just as in the movie, Jack barely has been released from his chains when Will walks in. Jack flees into a corner of the workshop. I, as always, just stand there: "Good afternoon mister Turner, could you be so kind to help me with a little problem? I need to find a phone and some normal clothing because I.." By looking at his eyes I just know that I can stop talking, he doesn't have a clue what I'm babbling about.   
  
"If you're looking for the one who has used your hammer, he's over there" I point at Jack as I sit down on the nearest anvil. "You're the one they're searching" "You look familiar, have I threatened you before?" Since they're busy with each other, I'll try to sneak out without Jack noticing me. Ha! I made it as far as the door already! Twoioioing A sword almost cut my ear off, and is now sticking in the door. Angry I turn around: "Hey! You aren't supposed to do that! You should do that with him!" I point at Jack again "You are screwing up the whole script!" "You are going nowhere, as far as I'm concerned you're with him" Will says, before he grabs another sword.  
  
"No fair" I mutter, as I'm looking at the all too familiar scene happening in front of me. One thing they don't show in the movie though, is the little fellow who wakes up and hits Jack on the head with the bottle.. That makes my day a bit. I'm only wishing that I could do that. Norrington bursts through the door and leads us to the brig. He doesn't even listen to my protests! It's a disgrace. "I'll decide about you tomorrow" he says to me.   
  
**_In the brig, Ilona is trying not to touch anything. Have you ever seen those cells? They're absolutely disgusting! The rats are the cleanest creatures that walk there… imagine what the pirates must look like…  
  
_** "This is all your fault! If you hadn't kidnapped me.." "I didn't kidnap ya! I just kinda used ya to get out of tha' situation! If you just stayed on that there platform we wouldn't.." "Don't you even think about blaming this whole situation on me! If you would've stayed with the blasted story.." Jack is looking furious now: "Stop babblin' about that bloody story! _ Story this, movie that, script so_" He is mimicking me! "Heck woman, I don't even know wha' those scurvy words mean!" My face is turning red.. I know it: "You.. you.. you.. you..YOU!" I turn my back at him and am giving him the silent treatment. That'll teach him.

The pirates in the other cell are crawling closer to me by the minute. So I back away from the bars again. Then one of them tries to grab my dress: " 'ello sweetheart, wha' about a little smooch for ol' Sweeney 'ere?" Looking in a face that seems to be made of leather and a mouth that has only 2 chocolate brown teeth left, I jump backwards. Only to trip over Jack who has been sleeping at the brig's floor. My head hits the stone wall with great force. For what seems like ages all I can see are little stars: "Awww… when do they discover squishy walls? Look mommy…I can see Orion from here" Everything seems to be spinning around me. "How many fingers do you see?" I hear Jack ask. I squint at his hand: "About twice as much as I'm supposed to see" I groan. "Stupid pirates!" I yell at no one in particular.  
  
**_Two hours later Ilona's head feels like it has hit a brick wall…   
  
_** "Great, not only does my head hurt, but it sounds like the Black Pearl has arrived here too" I warn the pirate in the cell next to me: "And I certainly do NOT want to hear about those stories. I already know you've heard the stories about the Black Pearl not leaving any survivors and stuff". The pirate doesn't even bother to ask me how I know that.. I think it has something to do with me yelling and shouting at them for the last two hours. A headache can make a person quite cranky. Jack doesn't seem troubled by my mood though: "No survivors? Then where do the stories come from I wonder?" He asks while grinning that grin he grins in the movie. I throw my shoe at his head.. unfortunately I missed. _And I've finished another chapter! Yay.. This is getting fun. Hope you guys don't mind me disliking Jack a bit in the story. In real life I adore Johnny Depp. But I also adore my boyfriend, and he and I have arguments too all the time. So I thought me en Jack could have some issues too  
  
Please review!!  
__Arsinoe Selene__ & Anita Lawn__: Yay... does this now mean I'm brilliantly insane?   
Laughing like a mad scientist_


	4. Parley if you please

_Wheeeeej... I got reviews! And I'm brilliantly insane!! And all that sort of stuff. Two chapters in one day.. guess I'm a little bit bored.. sorry about that..   
Now I'm definitely getting out of the movie line.. I think.. Please read on.._

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Hopping through the cell, while trying not to let my foot touch the floor, I'm grabbing my lovely pink colored shoe. Or something that looks like it. I put it on my foot again and walk towards the little window. Then I hear a whistling sound that grows louder and louder..: "I think you'd better back away from that window.. there's a cannonball  coming this way" Jack laughs: "Sure lass, now tell me, why would anybody want to shoot the slammer?" Something in the way I am crawling underneath the bench makes him decide to take a few paces away from the wall.. just in time I must say.. because one second after that the whole wall came flying around.. well. .the wall from the other cell, but still, having a brick coming at your head must hurt pretty bad.  
  
 "My sympathies friend, you have no matter of luck at all.. especially not with a lass like that" and with those words the pirates disappears through the hole in the wall. Hey.. did he just insulted me? "Come back here you and try saying that in my face!" I yell at him. Jack tries to squeeze his face through the little hole in our wall, with that sad puppy look on his face: "Cheer up, in about one half hour from now, we're having visitors"  
  
**_Ten minutes later we see Jack trying to persuade the sweet little doggy to hand.. erhm.. spit over the keys..  
  
_** "Here doggy.. it's just you and old Jack now... and that silly woman person of course, but you don't have to pay attention to her." "Hey!".   
  
Why don't men listen to me? I told him he was going to be saved by Will.. but that bloody pirate didn't even believe me!  
  
Suddenly a soldier falls down the stair and the dog runs off.. but he drops the key! Blink Hey... that's a new one.. "He isn't supposed to do that!" Jack seems to know who's coming down the stairs now, he tries to hide me behind his back, not that it's really working, I'm way too curious to see what happens next: "This ain't the armory!" I roll my eyes: "Of course not, do you really expect only one soldier guarding the whole bloody armory?" "Ye have got a pretty big mouth for such a little lady" The ugly guy sneers.   
  
Erhm.. the ugly guy with the black hair and creepy eyes. Erhm.. one of the two anyway. "Yeah well.. not only a big mouth, but pretty smart for a little lady too.. but in the company of the three of you, that isn't much of a challenge.. by the way: Parley" The other ugly pirate sniggers: "And how do ye suppose we'd gonna get ya outta ther'?"  Impatiently I point at the keys that the dog dropped a few minutes ago: "Well.. you could try those little things over there.. leave Jack here, he can manage himself" "Ey! You just can't..." Jack starts to protest "Yes I can.. I'll see you in about a day or 2 I suppose.. bye bye for now" with that I step out of the door and let the two "gentlemen" (yuck) escort me towards the Black Pearl.  
  
On the Black Pearl Elizabeth and I meet again: "Hi there, how's it hanging?" I ask merrily. "I didn't know we'd take on captives" The very large and muscled pirate says. Oh.. Elizabeth is not going to like this. There she goes.. stupid woman: "I'm here to.." I grab the big guys hand before it hits Elizabeth: "You're not allowed to hurt anyone under the protection of parley.. so hands off you.. you.. you.." You may have noticed I'm not very good at insulting people: "you... big ape!" Ha! The pirate grunts and lifts me from the ground with one hand.. "uh-oh... Would it make it a little better if I'd say that the big ape look really suits you?" Gulp.  
  
Yay.. Barbossa to the rescue! He points his sword at the throat of the very big fella: "Put the miss down and let her explain what their purpose is to be here on board of the Black Pearl" My feet have never been so glad with a ships' deck: "Well.. she is here to ask you if you would please stop bombing Port Royal, because she has this piece of Aztec gold and stuff. Her name is Elizabeth Turner, she has seen this ship on her way here eight years ago" I can see Lizzie stare at me..: "As for me, I'm looking for a phone, although I don't really expect you to understand a single word I'm saying. May I say that you guys look pretty healthy for a bunch of dead undead pirates? Nice monkey by the way."   
  
Barbossa blinks. "Wha?" Men.. Sometimes I think that their brains haven't evolved just yet: "Aztec gold.. she... Turner.. curse? Hello? And I'm hungry.. So where are our rooms?" Barbossa grins: "Miss Turner eh? We have an accord. Hoist the sails ya bunch of deck swabbing scurverous dogs, prepare to make way!" Lizzie panics: "Rooms? No.. we need to go back to Port Royal, according to the Code.." Oh no.. here we go again.  
Barbossa turns around, but I interrupt him: "Excuse me, Miss Sw.. erhm. Turner? First of all, the Code only applies to pirates, which we aren't. Secondly, I didn't threw our release into the bargain, and last. The code aren't really rules, they're more like guidelines.. okay? Now, Captain Barbossa, would you be so kind as to show us our rooms? I need to get some rest by now" He looks at me as though I'm a kind of alien here to take over the world with my magical powers.


	5. Meeting some funny skeletons

_I'm back! -does happy me dance- Here comes chapter 5:  
Do I really have to do the disclaimer? Awww... But I hate that... I reminds me that I don't own anybody... –pouts-**  
**_In their lovely room on board of the Black Pearl, Ilona and Elizabeth are having a discussion. Apparently Elizabeth doesn't altogether agrees with the way Ilona made a deal with Barbossa. "I mean.. how could you? Now we're stuck on this stupid boat" "Ship.." "Right, ship.. and Barbossa can do whatever he wants to do to us". Perhaps in this closet.. no, again no proper clothing. I want to get out of this dress.. now! "Nah, he won't do anything to us.. yet. Say, you don't happen to have a spare dress or anything do you?" Elizabeth gasps in desperation: "What do you mean.. yet? He surely is going to kill the both of us" She starts sobbing. Great.. just what I need.. a girl that starts crying at the smallest event.  
  
The door opens: "The Captain invites the two of ye for dinner, and he request you wear this" The baldy holds up two dresses, one deep red and made of velvet the other dark purple and made of satin. Elizabeth stands up, dries her tears and starts: "You can tell your captain that I'm disinclmpfrghp" I flash my sweetest smile at them: "Ahem, you'll excuse my friend here. What she means is: we surely don't want to dine with the crew naked, so we'll accept the Captain's invitation. Tell him we'll be with him in a minute" The baldy looks confused, but does hand over the dresses: "Fine!". Finally, a decent dress.. without fluffy things and pink things. Elizabeth is furious now: "How could you accept his invitation? He is absolutely disgusting, he is a criminal!" Throwing the monstrous pink thing into a heap in the corner I answer her: "If you really don't want to eat with him, you could always go to the crew. Only problem with that is, you aren't allowed to wear clothes in that case". Fumbling with my corset I hear a soft "Oh" Grr.. stupid corset! "Say.. Elizabeth, could you please help me with this?"   
  
Wrong decision, she really likes to torture me after this. She even puts her foot in my back in an attempt to make the corset sit tighter on my waist "Urgh, drat girl! I must still be able to breath you know!? And I would like my waist to be more then only 2 centimeters!" Finally, she's cutting me some slack.  
  
In Barbossa's office, the table is set. Unfortunately, it's a cold buffet. Lizzie attacks the poor pig, while I stick to the fruit. I read the history books, they didn't know what the word: "personal hygiene" means in this age. So I'm not touching anything that takes any time prepared by a cook.  
  
"Now the apples. One of those next" Elizabeth drops the food and makes a disgusted face: "It's.. poisoned" (Sigh) I grab the apple from Barbossa's hand: "Who do you think you are? Snow white? Do you know how much poison costs? He would be better off skewering us with his sword. Oh, and don't forget the blood to be repaid part to get rid of this curse" I say while biting in the apple. Barbossa arches one eyebrow: "And how would ye know all this lass?" I shrug and walk towards the door: "I just do, there's no sense in trying to explain all this to you, you are going to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about anyway. Tell me this though: How much did my parents pay you people to do this?". All I get is a stare. Fine.  
  
I open the door and Lizzie starts to scream. Hey.. this is pretty cool. All sorts of skeletons are walking on deck "Wow.. so much more details than they show in the movie!" I walk over to the big muscled guy that picked me up earlier on: "May I?" I'm prodding with my fingers between his ribs: "Nice special effects. Your clothes don't fit you anymore though, that's the problem with having no flesh and muscles in this form I guess" Lizzie runs out of the cabin and falls into the hole on deck, you know what I mean, it's the part in which the pirates throw her high up in the air. "Hey, Liz, wait for me! That looks like fun!" I run towards her and jump down too. Again it's not Elizabeth but me who gets grabbed.   
  
This time by that yucky looking pirate that swings on the rope: "Urgh"   
Ow, yuck: "Urgh yourself, you could use a breath mint mate. And a complete face lift too, you look hideous" He releases me, and I can see Barbossa talking to Elizabeth about the not being able to quench his thirst part. He grabs the bottle of wine and I walk towards him. While he is drinking, I peer suspiciously at his ribs, from very close range. Elizabeth runs back into the cabin, screaming.   
  
Barbossa slams the door shut and smashes the bottle, again a little difference between this and the movie. He laughs, quite a funny thing for a skeleton. I tug at his jacket: "Excuse me, Captain? Could you do that again? It looks real funny" Again, he just stares. "I guess not.. I'll just go in and try to calm her down. You didn't clean the table yet did you? I'm still a bit hungry. Oh, by the way, thank you so much for the dress. I was starting to get really edgy by that pink one. Bye now" As I close the door I hear him say: "That lass has lost 'er marbles for sure. She's daft!" Hey! "I AM NOT!" I yell from behind the door.****


	6. Row row row your boat

Chapter 6, not going to be as exciting as the former chapters. But I had fun writing it, hope you have at least as much fun reading it. I'm starting on chapter 7 right now, and I'll try to put it up by tomorrow because I won't have access to a computer until Monday.  
  
Are you all going to miss me? –wink wink-  
  
Disclaimer: 

-grumbles- my partner in crime says she has too much homework to do some plotting with me, so we still don't own POTC. I think I'll ask my boyfriend to help…**_  
  
_**_A few hours later, everybody is loaded into a little rowing boat. Ilona has been drinking from the wine... so she's acting pretty funny now._**_  
  
_** "....gently down the stweam...mellily, mellily..-hiccup- life is zjus' a dweam" Wheeeeej... I like boats.. I like water...Hey.. that's Barbossa... I like him too.  
It seems like we're rowing into a big dark cave now.. I'm not sure I like that. Dark caves contain spiders.. And I definitely do NOT like spiders ! Their icky and yucky and have eight legs and some sort of sticky stuff coming from their bottoms..  
  
Suddenly everything starts spinning and the floor jumps onto my nose.. Oh no.. that isn't right. Floors usually don't jump on people noses. Hmm… it appears I'm horizontally… I think I fell down. –Looking into the eyes of some dead person.. a dead person who has been dead for quite a long time now- : "Hello.. I don't think we've met before.. are you a friend of Ragetti's?"  
  
Next thing I know, I'm flying through the air..-translated from drunk Lona language: she has been picked up by a very big, very strong, very non-attractive pirate-  Only to be dropped in freezing cold water.. "Aaaargh.. Okay, Okay, I'm sober already!" Soaking wet and cold to the bone I walk on, my mouth drops open as I witness the giant heap of gold coins. In the middle of it all stands the stone chest of Cortez.  
  
Barbossa drags me and Liz up to the chest and starts his boring speech. I'm just observing everything, there.. in a little crack in the wall I can see a faint glitter of gold. Probably Jacks teeth –Giggle- Oeh Boy... I think the alcohol isn't entirely gone yet. "..Who's blood must yet be repaid?" "THEIRS!!" Yupz..ours..wait...what?? "OURS? What do I've got to do with it?".  
Barbossa grabs our hands: "By blood begun.. By blood undone" "No no no no no, I don't wanna, can't you just kill me? That'll leave a scar for sure. OW!" Great.. now I've got a cut in my hand.. and it's bleeding like a pig: "You (think really nasty and mean word here)! You ing cut me!!" Barbossa grins very evil now: "Well… I couldn't be sure of you telling the truth, perhaps you are Turners child" He drops the coin into the chest and closes his eyes. –Snigger- "Are you in for a surprise"-giggle-    
  
A silence. One of those silences in which crickets normally would tsjirp. (Crickets do tsjirp.. right? I mean.. right?) But then again, crickets don't live in caves. Koehler opens his eyes: "Did it work?" "I dun feel no different yet!" "How can we tell?" Oh.. this is a fun part! Happily jumping up and down I start tugging Barbossa's sleeve: "Ow.. please, may I? Please? I promise I'll be a good girl from now on.. just let me use the gun, please…?" –Big sweet blue eyes- Barbossa laughs almost hysterically: "Ye must be out of yer mind, missy. Do you really think that I'm handing over me pistol to YOU?" He draws his gun, and shoots the bald guy with the icky yellow eyes. "Drat.. party pooper" Pouting I sit down on the chest.  
  
"You're not dead" "Well.. technically, if you're a walking skeleton, most people would say that you're dead, so that means that.." "SHUT UP!" Barbossa yells at me. " He shot me!" Somewhere I hear water splashing, this would mean that Will is taking a swim by now. "You, maid, are you the child of William Turner?" Elizabeth looks at Barbossa: "No" SMACK, Barbossa hits her and she falls down the gold pile. What a wussy.   
  
Then I see another odd thing, Barbossa didn't hit her with the medallion. That thing is still in the chest. While hoping that nobody sees me, I carefully steal the medallion out of the chest. Hmm… does this mean I will turn into a dead non-dead person too? Cool!  
 "Let's spill all her blood… just in case" Phew, they're not referring to their anymore.  
At this time Barbossa finally notices that Lizzie isn't lying unconscious down the hill anymore. "The girl! She took the medallion! Find her!" As everybody starts running around, looking for her, they seem to have forgotten about me. So I start to creep to the exit –Click- Hmm.. that sounds like a gun.. "You ain't goin' nowhere dearie" Blasted pirate! "I, erhm… was looking for my contact lens?" –Big innocent smile-. "The oars have gone missing" "Find 'em!!" What's with all the yelling? Jeez.. it's not as if they actually need the boats… they can cross water much faster.. just walk through it.  
"Ey.. you're s'posed to be dead!" the bald pirate says. Jack looks a bit fuzzy: "Am I not?" he turns around and waddles back, were he meats another dozen of his old crewmates. All eager to say hi.  
  
**_Ilona still is a little bit tipsy from all that wine, have you noticed? She's much more happy when she's drunk and less cranky.. As for the situation she's in now.. well.. At least she's back on The Black Pearl again..  
  
_** "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you want me to be left on an island, watching you sail away with my ship, with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need?"  
-Grin from me- "Nah, whatever gave you that idea? He is gonna sail away on hís ship, shouting the name to you, while you're standing on a little island. That way it's much more fun. I like fun you know.." "Will you stop saying what I want to say before I can even say it?" Jack cries out in utter frustration.  
 "Will you be quiet? I'm trying to negotiate here. As I was saying, and since we didn't betray any one, unlike yourself, it seems to me that we are most trustworthy"  
Jack moans and lets his head rest in the palms of his hands. What did I do? "Sir, we're gaining on the Interceptor".  
  
_-Pets monkey- Nice monkey, good monkey. So.. another chapter finished. This one a bit boring though. Probably because I'm surrounded by boredom (I'm at work)  
If anyone wants to have a role in my fic, please notify me.. I love making up characters!  
  
Pirate blondie= I want to wish you a happy birthday! Mine isn't due for another 2 months yet. So silly, I'm 18, and I still don't have a drivers license –starts sobbing-  
Well.. as a gift from me: A little role in the next chapter. ;-) _


	7. In jail again With Jack again

_I'm back. Thank y'all for the very friendly reviews. I have a stupid spelling corrector at work. It mixes up meat and meet. I'll check the chapters for more bloopers like that. As I promised, I'll introduce a new character into the story: Chloe! –grin-A.KA: Pirate Blondie! Erhm.. although it isn't going to be in this chapter yet.. sorry.  
So, stop reading this author note, just skip the disclaimer and start reading the story already!  
  
Disclaimer: -Sigh- I've had it.. I'm going to attack Disney, I want them to give me POTC. Until then, I don't own any of these characters,  nor do I own Chloe (She owns herself) or myself (Legally, I'm still my parents property)  
  
_Barbossa stands on deck with his telescope, his monkey on his shoulder. I adore the little devil, he's way cute: "Here Jack, here boy" Jack still doesn't seem to think I'm nice anymore: "And why should I come to you? You just made me look like a fool!" –Sigh- What is it with men? "What made you think I was talking to you? They named the monkey Jack" Monkey Jack jumps on my shoulder: "Say Barbossa, I've got a suggestion. We put up one of those white flags.. you now.. the one that means: Hello… we come in peace.. well.. maybe not in peace, but at least a lot less violent. Then we send Jack over there –Thumbs at Jack- to the Interceptor, let him negotiate with them for the medallion and you're on your way again. Oh, and while he's up there anyway, he can also take along some aspirins, 'cause I'm having a terrible headache" Barbossa grins evilly: "You know young missy, you're hanging around with dear Jack too much. That's the same attitude that lost 'im the Pearl in the first place. Put 'em in the brig!"  
  
Down there it's even more disgusting than in Port Royals' jail. Sure they also have rats here, and some unidentified green slimy stuff. But there must be enough water on the floor to create an entire swimming pool! Not to mention that water isn't exactly the cleanest you would be able to find. "It appears there's a leak" –Clang- The doors slammed shut and now I'm trapped here.. with Jack… again. "So… nice weather we're having don't you think?" I ask, while searching for a place to sit without getting dirty or wet. "Blast ye woman! If you would've just let me do the talking, we wouldn't be in this 'ere situation" Hm.. nowhere to sit down.. drat. "Is that so? Then what would you've said eh?" He seems a little bit flustered about this question: "Well.. I.. obviously.. uhm… well, at least not anything near the things you just said to him!" –Chuckle- Right.. "Sure Jack, and pigs can fly"  
  
Jack doesn't seem to care about the dirty slime and the gross water everywhere and just sits down in the water: "Who are you anyways? You've been a big pain in my ass ever since I saw you, and I don't even know your full name yet" –Blink- -Stare- "What? We're here in the smallest, dirtiest … cage I've ever seen, and you want to get more acquainted? And they call me daft…" He grins: "There isn't much more we can do here, so just start talking" Is it just me, or is he truly interested in me? Nah, must be my imagination, he just said it himself, I'm a big pain in the ass.. and proud of it too: "Well, I'm Ilona.. but I'm sure I must've said that earlier…  I'm 18 years old.." "18?" He cocks an eyebrow: "sorry to tell ye lass, but you look much younger than that". "I do not! Everybody tells me I look at least 19! Which I will be in two months –sticks out tongue-"  
  
Suddenly the ships take a big turn and I lose my balance. Falling right into Jack's arms. "18 eh?" He asks, a thinking expression on his face. "You can let go now Jack" I tell him breathless. He smirks and flashes the jewelry store that's inside his mouth: "Not sure I'd like that luv. You might fall again, and then I may not be able to catch you" Hey.. his hands are on a place they shouldn't be "Mr. Sparrow! I've got a few remarks for you: First: You might think that I'm a pain in your ass, but that isn't a valid reason for you to put your hands on my ass" Jacks' grin widens even more: "Such foul words from such a pretty lady" –Rolls eyes-  
 "Secondly: I'm only 18 years old, you are old enough to be my father.. or at least my older brother!" Jacks thinks about this, holding me even tighter.  
  
He should go work in the circus as the human corset: "Well, as for that: Who cares? Some of the… ladies… I've been with, are half your age. C'mon lass, don't tell me that you don't like me just a little?" Argh.. bloody arrogant pirate! "I'm not even answering that. Third and last: I'm a not that kind of girl! Now let go of me" Stamping on his toes I try to struggle myself free. Jack's still smirking.. : "You do realize that your weight isn't sufficient enough to cause real damage or pain do you?" I'm just about to reply with a really smart, witty and yet insulting answer when (for the second time this week) somebody blows a hole in the wall.   
  
With a flask.. silly people, those pirates.. (_sorry__.. I stole that from Asterix and Obelix)_. In unison we yell: "Stop blowing holes in my (Jack)/this (Me) ship!"  
At least Jack let me go. But now I'm soaking wet, and again, really cold. Opening the cell door, Jack is looking into the flask: " Its empty!" As I walk up the stairs I shout at him: "If you were in my time, you'd be a great person for the Alcoholics talking group. Everybody would feel much better about themselves when you'd tell them about your drinking problems!" "I do not have any drinking problems! The drinking is going great.. I can drink a whole bottle of rum in two hours! So no problems there!"      
  
_Chapter 7, I'll go and see if I can quickly create chapter 8 today.. I've got it all in my head. That isn't too hard, since there is a lot of space in there.   
  
Ya know.. Somebody said that Jack isn't falling in love with every women he sees. I have to disagree with her. He doesn't fall in love, that's true, but he is trying to get everything that is capable of wearing a skirt into his bed.. and with that he is not talking about a pyama party. I'm probably asking for flamers now –grin- Oh well.. Next chapter ahoy!_  
 


	8. With Jack on an Island

_Stupid, Stupid, Stupid me.. I wrote three chapters in the train going to my boyfriend. But clever me left the chapters in the train -hits the wall with her head- So.. let's carry on with the story shall we?  
  
Disclaim: Nope.. Don't even think about it.. No.. not even Jack... No.. I really don't own any of these characters.. except myself..  
  
_On deck, everybody is being busy. The crew is running around while shouting at nobody in particular, once crewmember falls down and hangs a few inches above deck hanging on nothing but a rope by his ankle. I don't quite understand why he would want to do that... looks to me like it would hurt when you hit the ground. The mast of the Interceptor comes crashing down on the Black Pearl. The only one not doing anything is Barbossa.. The lazy bum, he just walks over to the railing and stands there. Looking while other people do all the work. Jack swings over to the Interceptor and for some silly reason saves Elizabeth. She can manage herself though.  
  
Whahaha.. she slaps him in the face! Hmm... a rope comes my way, I grab it and swing myself on the other ship too. Elizabeth storms away from him and runs towards the storageplace.. thing... space... erhm.. wussname where Will is trapped. (Dammit, I really, really should learn how all those thingies are called) I just grin at Jack: "So... she just called you a wrench did she?" He doesn't seem to like my remark: "The only wrench around here is you!"  
  
My mouth drops open... how dare he say that? Whatever did I do to him? I just laughed at him in his face and stuff... but nothing bad.. right? Did I? "Fine, have a good life Mr. Sparrow... Cause I'm leaving.. now!" With tears in my eyes I walk back to the Black Pearl, by now everybody has been captured. Why is Barbossa looking so happy? He didn't found the medallion for sure. I've still got it in my pocket. Looking at his hand I see something shimmer in the daylight... I know that thing... that isn't Aztec gold.. that's my aluminum face coin I bought at the POTC-online-Fanclub (_Sorry folks, just invented that club. If it does exist, I don't own it either, so DON'T sue me!)_   
  
 "Captain Barbossa, you really should know that..." He growls at me.. another person that doesn't like me anymore. Fine.. be that way.  
  
We're all tied to the mast of the Black Pearl now. "Anyone who so much thinks of the word Parley, I'll have his guts for garters" "Excuse me? Mister Pirate.. sir?" I can see him roll his eyes: "Aye? What d'ye want?" At least **he** is listening to me: "I have to go to the bathroom sir" Apparently he has hearing problems: "What?!" "I have to" "NO!" "But I.." "I said NO!"  
-_very big boom-_ Well.. there goes a pretty perfect ship. What a waste. Such a pity. "Aaieeh, argh, eeh" Elizabeth is being halfly raped by Barbossa's crew. I don't know why they're doing that.. they can't feel anything..  
  
Suddenly Will climbs on the deck. Barbossa notices his gun: "You do know that you've only got one bullet? And that we can't be killed?" "But I can" Blahblahblah.. I really need to go to the bathroom. "Elizabeth goes free...she must be released at Port Royal within 2 months.. Alive... and not harmed in any way"-Blink- What? He specified when, and where.. and even in what condition? Uh-oh.. I feel troubles coming up. "Yes, we know that one, anything else" "Erhm... well.. no... oh wait! The crew must not be harmed.. and neither.. erhm.. her.. whoever she is" Great... somebody who notices me.  Barbossa ponders about this: "Would you mind if we did harm the other girl? She has been a pain ever since she arrived here" Will shrugs "Sure.. I don't know her anyway.. just don't kill her" Aiee.. help.. anyone? I don't like swimming..  
  
Right now I'm standing on the walking plank... and that thing wobbles.. it wobbles a lot..  
 "It would be a shame to lose something that nice, wouldn't it boys?, So I'd be wantin' that dress back" Arching one eyebrow I look at him: "You know what? It would indeed be a shame to lose this dress... so I'll be taking it with me.. bye now" With the dress still on, I jump in the water. Above surface I stick my tongue out at Barbossa and start swimming..  
  
 "This is the second time I see that man sail away with my ship" Urgh.. wussy : "Awh, get over it!"  
I start looking for the rum.. I can use a drink by now: "You're not begging for me for a way out of here?" Jack seems confused. "No.. I already now that you're not a real hero, and that all you can do is lie on a beach drinking rum.. you.. you.. you.. _(Aargh.. again with the name calling.. aren't there schools for that?"_ stupid pirate" Before I can find it, Jack opens the hatch to the rum. He stumbles in.. and comes out in a hurry again.. with two bottles: "There's a dead lady in there. Probably killed by the smugglers". Lady? That didn't happen in the movie.. I walk in and drag the body out of there. She's a blonde.. isn't that like.. not very common in these parts? Hey.. she's still alive, I can feel a pulse. Slapping her cheeks I try to make her wake up. Finally she starts moaning: "Will you please stop doing that? My head feels like it's going to explode.." Bwah.. smugglers my (insert three letter word here) she just drank too much: "Goodmorning sunshine. And what would be your name?" "Chloe...At least.. that was my name last time I checked"  
  
_Dahdahdahdaaaaaaaah... Here I introduced the birthday girl –grin-  
  
Sow.. I'm back from a wedding, I'm dead tired.. and tomorrow is another working day.. How I love my life._


	9. Why is Chloe gone?

_Yay..chapter 9...  
  
Diclaimer: -In a room with squishy walls- I don't own... noooooooooooooo...-sob- I don't own POTC...-cries-_  
  
Yup.. the narrator person is back. At this time, Jack, Ilona and some new girl named Chloe are marooned on an island. That isn't a good thing if you ask me.

  
"You wouldn't by any chance have some hair of a dog that bit you, do you?" Chloe moans. "Not really.. normally I avoid dogs that are trying to bite me. That tends to hurt and bleed, you know. I do have some hair of an undead pirate though, if that makes you happy".  
Chloe stairs at the strand of greasy dirty blond hair and shrugs: "Pirate, dog.. what's the difference".  
Jack mumbles: "I heard that". Chloe takes the strand of hair and puts it in the half of a coconut: "Great.. now I need a pepper.. I think…I only played Monkey Island 4 times.. and after that.. an egg"  
Nodding I add: "It only had three ingredients… right?" "Perhaps we should ask the expert in these things" "Well.. if you'd ask me" Jack starts.. "Perhaps.. but how are we going to reach Mr. Brown without a phone or email?". He start jumping up and down and waves his hand between our faces: "Hello? Ye galls do realize that CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow doesn't like bein' ignored?" I stare at him with my –You're nothing but an annoying little pirate.. so go away- look  
  
 "How did you end up on this island anyway?" Chloe shrugs: "Dunno... you woke me up.. and here I was.. like.. –poof- you know?" Ghe.. that sounds familiar. Jack stumbles away, only to reappear with three bottles of rum. He gives me and Chloe one: "Drink this.. who knows? Perhaps I'll start to like ya" Oeh.. alcohol!! I like that. "You're not going to take revenge for that?" "Oh.. I will... later... first I want to get really drunk.. I want to sleep tonight.. and this booze will help me with that" Looking at Chloe I suddenly get an idea: "Hey.. sleep always scares the hangover.. you should try to sleep!" She gazes at me as if I'm sort of.. daft.. "You know.. I think I'll do that.. but not because of the headache.. just because I'm terrible tired" She walks back in the hole...  
  
 "What shall we do with the drunken sailor.. what sjall we do with the drunken sailor.. Early in the morning.. Toss him ove'board.." Whieeej... I did it! I'm drunk again... I think.. "Why woul' anyone want ta toss a perfectly fine pirate overboard? Tha' makes no sense!" I frown.. Is he insulting my song? "It does make sje..sensj..sense.. ya see... she...she? He! He is drunk..and.. erhm...right..drunk... where was I?" Jack chuckles... I do not like that sound.. it makes me feel not smart..: "Ye 'ad had enough of that there rum luv" "No.. I did not!..."    

-quick glance towards bottle on the sand- "MINE!!" –Jumps towards the bottle- My rum.. nobody touch my rum.. it's mine. "It's alright lass.. I won't have it.. Ya know.. I liked that song.. when I get me Pearl back.. I'll teach it to the entire crew...really..-hiccup- drunken sailor...woew"-Falls over-  
  
Wait.. I know what I'm supposed to say here.. I'm snuggling up his chest now.. But I do have a feeling I'm forgetting something.. Oh..right..fire... aww.. forget it: "It  this must be on really island for awfull to stuck Jack be here you....erhm.. sorry.. It must be really Jack for you to be stuck on this Island, awful" He just blinks.. then he finally deciphers what I said: "Oh yes.. but the company is a thousand times better.." A thousand? Oew... that's a lot! "And the scenery has definitely improved since then.." Hmm... what? O.. right..: "Can I have some more rum please?" "I know exactly what you mean luv" Hey! He's drinking everything?!! Mean.. mean.. mean... grrrr.. bloody pirate.  
  
The next morning.. Jack wakes up in some very thick fog...  
  
Yay.. another barrel of rum on the fire...-BOOM- ghehe.. fun... "No... stop ... not good.. Not the rum!" Ow.. I forgot Chloe! But as I walk in the storageplace I can find her nowhere.. No footprints.. nothing.. almost like she disappeared from the face of the earth  -Dramatic silence- Nah.. that's impossible.. More likely she went back to her own time when she went to sleep.. stupid insomnia of mine. "The rum is gone!"-sigh- "Yes.. the rum is gone.." "But why?"  I turn around: "First.. because you drank MY rum!! This is called revenge!.. second.. that cloud is over a thousand feet high.. the entire royal navy is out looking for Lizzie... do you think that they're blind or something?" He blinks.. not understanding any of what I've just said: "But why's the rum gone?" "Well.. it's not really gone.. I just hid it under my dress.. if you want it.. just ask nice"   
  
Jack walks away and I yell at him: "There already wasn't any living with me before this!" I see him stop suddenly.. look at something.. then turn to face me.. and then look very angry: "Will you please stop predicting what's going to happen?"  
  
_So... Another chapter done... We've got ADSL now!! Finally!! I'm allowed to go online at home now. It was my boyfriend's sister's wedding.=Pirate Blondie_

_Chapter 10 is up now.. or tomorrow.. I'll have to call my BF first. Yuck.. and try to convince my dad to stop smoking!! **cough cough**_


	10. Yes dear

_Well… it took me a little while to get chapter 10 up and rolling.. That was because I was actually doing something this week –gasp- If this chapter seems a bit awkward, than that's because I'm bloody nervous! (I've got a driving lesson in about half an hour.. and I suck! Big Time) Ow.. by the way.. could somebody please tell me the difference between a wench and a wrench? I think I just called somebody a tool…  
  
Disclaimer: I know someone who's plotting on a plot to kidnap Orlando!! wobbles a bit if she has him, and I can make a bargain with her… I'll own Orlando.. until then I don't own any of these characters…  
  
On the Dauntless, Ilona and Norrington are arguing.. nothing new about that..   
_ "No. I will not risks our lives to go and save that of some meaningless blacksmith!" Well… aren't we a bit stubborn today? "It's not only Will you know? Your precious Lizzie is with that guy too.." At this, Norrie looks at me with a mocking look in his eyes: "No she's not.. They dropped her off at this ship just a few hours ago.. friendly captain I must say"  
-Mouth falls open- -blink- "W-w-w-what?! Barbossa.. friendly? Honey, he is about the most non-friendly human being I've ever met.. He is even the must non-friendly creature I've ever met… A snake is like a cute teddy bear compared to Barbossa!  ELIZABETH!!" She comes running out of her father's room: "What's the matter Ilona? Are you okay?"   
  
"Who are you? What did they do to Lizzie?" I start tugging at her hair –tug, tug, pull, pull- "That stupid –hnng- wig won't -hhhnnnnggg- come of" "Get your hands of my fiancée" Norrington dislikes me even more now. The Elizabeth imposter is screaming really hard "Ow stop yelling you.. you.. pirate! You can't be her.. Barbossa wouldn't keep his word.. he's.. Barbossa!" Jack takes a good look at Elizabeth's bre…erm…nose and taps me on my shoulder: "Eh luv? I don't think she's a he.. a he doesn't have filling such as thos', thos' are definitely fillings of a she"   
  
What is he blabbering about? Filling?.. Oh.. filling…frontline fillings.. I get it.. hmm…right..oops? "Oh dear.. Oh..Ohno.. I'm so sorry Lizzy.. I just thought.. Barbossa.. and.. and… mean… and grrrr..and…argh.. and and.. and.. Jack looked at your.. erhm.. you know what's!" Hm.. My attempt to distract them from me doesn't seem to work. Elizabeth, still with tears in her eyes from pain, hugs me: "It's okay, I understand.." I feel a quick sharp pain in my toes: "Ouch.. Liz, you're stepping on my foot! And you're wearing high heels!!" A devilish little smile glides over her face: "I know.. just a little payback". Grbml.. wench.  
  
Anyways.. back to Norrie.. who isn't altogether pleased at the fact that I just tried to rip of his girlfriends' hair: "As I was saying: We really, really, really, really need to go and save Will.. what else are we going to do all day? Just floating along? Floating along on the surface of this beautiful shiny sea?" Norrington looks blank: "No.. we are going back to Port  Royal, and make sure you and Sparrow here will be hung" Hung? Me? I think not!  
  
 "Liz.. tell your..your… overdressed monkey here, that I'm not going to any gallow!" "Me?" "Yes you.. who else?" "But he.. he.. doesn't have to listen to me!" –sigh- I whisper something in her ear.. "Oh.. okay.. ahem…James darling.. if you don't do as she just kindly asked you, you'll be sleeping near the pond tonight…without a blanket." _  
  
_

Yeah.. that's just a great threat... look.. he is shaking on his legs.. "But.. Elizabeth! Those people are pirates" Jack grins: "You say tha' like that's a bad thing.." "Shut up you.. You will go with these gentlemen, and for the next few hours, you will contemplate about all possible meanings of the sentence: silence as the grave" Yay! I know what that means!  
 "All men to the boats!!" I yell while running up and down deck. James grabs my arm: "Indeed miss, all men to the boats.. that leaves out you and miss Swann"

_ Oeh... I'm not nice..Just leaving you here, with such a short chapter... but hey.. I still have to pack my bag (I'm going to my boyfriend again- **big grin- **So.. you'll just have to wait until..say..Tuesday... Tahtah...  
  
PS: For those who wanna know: my driverslesson went great! My instructor told me that if I keep this up, I'll pass next month!!!_


	11. Rowing a boat again

_So.. not Tuesday yet.. In fact.. it's just Friday.. But it's kind of quiet today.. so I'm bored.. and I'm lazy.. On with chapter 11!!!  
  
Disclaimer: No! The person who was plotting on a plot to capture Orli has run out of sticky tape! Everybody help us! Send all your sticky tape to my e-mailadres! Or review with sticky tape.. Or else we'll never own POTC or the other characters in my story!  
  
_I'm staring at his hand.. "Commodore… I warn you…unhand me, or I'll unhand you!" He lets go: "Is that a threat young lady? 'Cause I'll warn you this minute that I won't tolerate any threats addressed at me or my crew". Yay.. he is playing all tough now: "And  I'll warn you Commodore Norrington.. if you ever lay another hand on me, I'll make sure you'll no longer be a commodore and no self-respecting captain would want to hire you even as a cabin boy".

 "And how were you planning on achieving that goal?" Gawd.. this guy is so full of himself.: "You'd be amazed how easily some people would believe a rumor about a certain Commodore that joined a nasty group of pillagers and pirates. After all… he and Barbossa appeared to be really good friends.. they even met each other on the Dauntless.. Imagine that…" He still looks arrogant.. but at least a whole lot less self confident: "You're bluffing"  
  
Jack steps forward: "Trust me mate… she almost bit my hand off… she won't have any problems gossiping at all… she is not bluffing.." James swallows…: "Well then… I'll just have to take that risk then, don't I? Gilette! Make sure Miss Swann and Miss… Miss…" "Ilona" "Miss Ilona do NOT leave this ship!" He has some nerve..  I'll give hem that.  
  
My big mouth doesn't compensate for my lack of strength and weight, so it doesn't take long until Elizabeth and me are trapped inside some cabin.. A very stylish decorated cabin.. but still… we're trapped. She takes my hands and says: "Ilona, you must tell me everything. How was it to be alone with that filthy man?" Knuckle head.. "I don't have time to stay here and chat with you.. I'm going to save Will and annoy Jack.. so.. see ya!" Opening the window I peer down.. why is it dark outside? It wasn't dark a few seconds ago.. stupid movie effects.  
  
I'm pulling again.. this time not at Lizzie's hair, but on the bed sheets.. "Hnnng… those sheets are about as stubborn as your hnnnggnnh hair!" Elizabeth walks to the end of the bed, wriggles with something and before I know what exactly is going on, I'm tumbling backwards, holding on to the sheets. "Thank you" With all my dignity I try to stand up without showing all my underwear… blasted dress. After I tied the sheets together I'll hang them from the window.. Now all I have to figure out yet is where she found that boat in the movie..  
  
Ah…there it is.. right beneath my window… strange place to keep a boat. Just as I'm hanging about 3 meters above the boat, I hear the sheets ripping.. oh no… this is going to hurt.. as quickly as I can I try to climb down, but alas.. –THUMP- -Boink- "ohhhhh..my head… They definitely have to invent some squishy and soft things.. preferably boats and walls made of rubber" Right.. Now to get this thing down there… in that wet stuff called water. Hmm.. I don't even have the slightest clue..: "Psst…hey..Elizabeth!!" I whisper not so quiet.. No response: "Elizabeth" Even less quieter.. still no response: "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LIZZIE!!" Finally, the windows open again: "Did you call me?" She whispers. Oh boy.. not the brightest light is she? Didn't seem so in the movie.. pity..: "Yes I did.. do you have any idea how to lower this thing into the water..?" Her head disappears from the window, and she returns with a pair of scissors: "Aw come on Liz, you don't really expect.."-SNIP- -SPLASH-   
  
_Just try to picture Ilona's face right now.. her mouth open… eyes open just as wide.. and not saying another word… which isn't strange since she and the boat just dropped some 7 meters  
  
And another short chapter.. So.. I'll read your reviews when  I'm back again…like I said.. Tuesday or so.. Until then: Toodles!!_


	12. again with the boring rowing

_Yes people.. I am back! Thanks for all the sticky tape!! Unfortunately sticky tape doesn't stick on the concrete. So I'll have to conjure up a plan for myself.. It involves Golden Retrievers, Scotch Tape, glue and jelly.. who wants to join me?  
  
Disclaimer: I own a dvd.. and my sister owns a Jack Sparrow life size poster I bought for her birthday.. but other then that.. we don't own anything of the POTC.  
  
_Now.. how does this boat thing work.. left.. right..left…left.. Hey! Now I'm going in circles.. That's fun.. but it doesn't get me anywhere. With a lot of splashing I try to get the boat thing move towards the Black Pearl.  
  
Ha.. now I've got it.. you have to move those two.. erhm.. tree thingies both at the same time… Ghe.. how primitive. As I'm rowing on and on I start wondering where Chloe really went.. because going into another dimension when you fall asleep is just total nonsense. I sure liked her though.. she was funny: "Boat ahoy!" Now I even pretend I'm hearing her voice.. silly me: "Boat ahoy I said you deaf pigeon!" That wasn't a daydream from me.. it really is her! "CHLOE!!" I heave her into the boat.. that is rocking to and fro ( jeez what a word.. to and fro.. who made this one up?) terribly now..  
  
 "Hey.. where did you go on that little island? You just.. disappeared!" Chloe looks at me: "I didn't disappear.. I woke up and made a little walk around the island. After an hour or so I saw a big ship with white sails and crept on board" Sounds logical "I'm going to kill some dead un-dead pirates.. wanna help?" "Sure.. What do they look like?" After this the moon breaks through the clouds "Well.. just like I look like right now I suppose, only those guys aren't nice guys.. and I'm a very nice girl grin" Chloe doesn't seem to be startled or frightened: "Oh.. right.. Barbossa and Friends.. you know? The skinny look suits you.. too bad of the slimy icky gross stuff" "Yeah.. I know.. lot more ick then in the movie.."  
  
After lots of splashing and laughing we finally reach the Black Pearl and climb aboard ever so quietly: "You're standing on my fingers!" "Shut up, they'll hear us!" "Nah.. do you think? That's part of the plan remember? Now get of my fingers!!" We can see two skulls popping out of the cannon hole: "Nehnehnehnehneh.. bet you can't catch us!" Chloe sticks her tongue out to the dead un-dead guys.  "Get them!" "So.. get them to chase us.. check.. now what?" "Hmm.. hide?" We hide in the lifeboat on deck and watch the stupid pirates look for us. When they have their backs towards us we carefully creep out and swing the thing towards them. Looks a bit like bowling.. only more fun.. and more messy.  
  
I have got the feeling I'm forgetting something "Screeeeeeeeeeeech" Ow... right.. the monkey!  
  
**_Ten minutes later  
  
_** "I want the monkey" –snok- Monkey is been pulled towards Chloe "No.. I want the monkey"-another snok- Monkey is been pulled towards Ilona...

**_This continues until monkey falls apart in a pile of bones and Lona and Chloe go and search for Mr Gibbs._**

****

"Joehoe? Mister Gibbs? You here?" "Well I'll be darned.. two young missies" We free the crew and run up deck to untie the life boat to sail to the Isla de Muerta. I don't want to be as late as Lizzie, fighting is fun.. "Alright Chloe.. one.. two.. heave!" And yes.. the boat plunges into the water.. I am só much better then Elizabeth! Row.. row "You know.. we should tell these people that speedboats exist.. That would be a lot less tiring" The cave is silent.. I guess that means the fight hasn't start yet! Yay.. Or perhaps we should be on board of the Dauntless.. hmm.. decisions.. oh well.. too late for that now.  
  
 _Drat.. I want to go on here.. but that also is the start of another chapter.. Ah well.. no dead un-dead monkeys were hurt during the making of the fiction.._


	13. So this must mean goodbye

_Last chapter people, and I changed it a little bit because somehow it didn't appear entirely on the www. Strange.. well:_

_I don't own POTC.. I almost caught Orlando (remember? I had a plot, to capture Orlando, so he could be my bait in my plot to capture Johnny) but that failed due to my doggies not wanting to go to America…Everybody who reviewed: I LOVE YOU!!_

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"Me I'm dishonest, and a dishonest person you can always trust to be dishonest. It's the honest ones you want to look out for.. honest, because you never know.." Oh no.. it's about to start! "..when they'll do something incredibly.. stupid" And so the action starts, Jack pushes a pirate guy into the water while unsheathing his sword and attacking Barbossa. Chloe and I look at each other.. then run into the scene of action: "CHAAAARGE!"  
  
"Aiieeeeh hoa… Chap tjoi… babi pangan…Don't forget the sticks." Standing on one leg, one arm heaved into the sky I'm threatening a pirate with my lethal monkey killing samurai pose… He is staring at me.. ha! He obviously is too afraid to move  
  
**_ This is a rare occasion, but for this purpose I've allowed to put in another persons point of view..  
  
_**-bombthrowing Pirate point of view-  
  
The older looking girl is behaving very strangely. I hesitate to approach her, for she might be suffering from some odd disease. By the looks of it, it must be a very painful experience.  
Perhaps I should kill her and stop her suffering…  
  
**_Thus ends this pirate's point of view.. back to Ilona  
  
_**-Chloe's point of view-  
  
Take that.. and that.. haha.. stupid pirate. –kick- "You guys are great punching bags- I can see Ilona do some weird voodoo stuff with her arm and leg..  
  
**_Ahem.. due to technical problems we had some difficulties going back to Lona's point of view. We apologize for any inconvenients. Now really back to Lona.  
  
_**-Kick- -Stomp- Muahaha.. Oh yes.. I am so bad! Then Will comes and thrusts a pole into the three pirates so that they're stuck together. Party Pooper. Chloe gives me the bomb "You may do the honour" " Why thank you, but I don't think we should end this so fast" –Pats her pockets- Now where did I put that itching powder? With a sigh of frustration Will snatches the bomb out of my hands "Will you hurry up already?" "No! Will! Give that back! You're spoiling all the.." He takes no notice of my jumping up and down in an attempt to snatch the bomb back, but pushes it into the ribs of the bomb throwing pirate "..fun. Ick..Ew.. Never mind.. I don't want it now" With a look of disgust I start looking for Jack. Where could he be? He must be around here somewhere –BOOM-

"Lona! Throw the medallion!" Awh Crap.. I have to cut myself again. "Do I have to? I mean.. I don't mind being a dead undead person.. I don't have to worry about me getting fat and all.. and really it's all.." "Just do it!" Jack is losing to Barbossa.. really bad.. With a great deal of reluctance I make another, painful, excruciating.. well.. not that much actually.. it only stings a little, cut in my hand. Making sure there is some blood on it, I throw it to Will who's standing near the chest now with his bloody medallion...

"Will!! Wait!! Mr Barbossa sir? Before you die.. could I have your autograph? Please…? Pretty Please?" As I'm running towards Barbossa I hear the click from a pistol.. and that pistol is aimed at me. Did it ever occur to someone that in this entire movie, I'm taking over Elizabeth role? That's just absolutely not fair!

What to do? I really want that autograph.. Barbossa wouldn't really shoot.. would he? Nah. "Mr Barbossa!" –WHAM- -BLAHM- Two shots? That isn't supposed to happen.. Why is everything so misty.. and why the hell does my arm hurt that much? "ILONA!!" "Jack.. would you please stop yelling at me? I'm starting to get a headache.." I moan. Just before everything turns black I hear Barbossa say: "I feel…cold"

**_When Ilona wakes up, she's lying in a cell, her arm bandaged and a lot bit drowsy. But she's still alive.. and that's positive..right?_**

**__**

"That –censored- ing –censored-ard! He shot me! He really, actually shot me! The nerve of that guy! All I wanted was an autograph!" Chloe tries to refresh my bandage… and she's not so happy about me not wanting to sit still… And I'm not happy because I have a hole in my arm! Made by Barbossa!

"Will you calm down a little? We're about to be hanged, so you must look your best!" Chloe states. She doesn't seem bothered by the whole execution thing. Jack is a bit though, he walks about and around looking nervous.

"You three… it's time…" A weird dressed guy with a wig comes to takes us away.

"Wait a minute.. don't I get a last request or anything?" Chloe prods me: "You already had.. but since you were unconscious Jack and I ordered a big meal for you, but we had to eat it, because you were.. you know..unconsious" "You guys ate my last meal? You…you… ohhhh…you! No wonder Jack is looking all nervous like… he was afraid I might find out so I could kill him first!" I push the guard aside: " Out of my way you.. I want to go first"

When I came outside, Will suddenly jumped right front of me, fighting off a lot of guards: "Quickly, fight and run! Follow me!" Wha? " Fight? I'm injured! How can I aaaargh" Jack grabbed me by my good arm and pulled me along a rain of swords, dodging them all. Chloe doesn't really hurry, but skips her way along the swords, ducking so now and then. But alas, all those efforts didn't make a difference.. Will still led us to a dead end! Numbskull…

Nothing is right with the movie anymore… Jack doesn't even wait for Norrington and Elizabeth to talk, but he runs towards the edge of the fortress, still clutching my good arm… he jumps onto the ledge.. erhm.. still holding my arm.. "No..Jack! You don't.. Don't you dare! No!" And he jumps off the ledge, into the water.. way..way..way..waaaaaay below… dragging me along into the water too.

Everything is dark, and cold and wet. My clothes are too heavy, they're pulling me down. Then I see a faint light, that's growing larger and larger.. someone is pulling me up! By my injured arm! Ouch, ouch, ouch! Just when I thought I couldn't take it any longer, my head breaks the surface..AIR! "You okay luv'?" "Jack, you lousy good for nottin' sadly excuse for a pirate!.. Wait a minute… you just saved me…" He grins and brings his face close to mine.. Slowly I see his lips coming closer and closer.. Closing my eyes, I wait until I feel them on mine..

A big wet red tongue is licking over my face.. the owner of that big red tongue is panting heavily into my face. "Urgh… doggy breath" When I open my eyes, I notice that I'm not lying in water.. my arm doesn't hurt anymore, and the guy that just tried to kissed me, sure as hell isn't Jack Sparrow… It's my dog! "Agh, Remco, get off my bed!"

Looking around, I'm realizing that it was all just a dream… Hmpf… me and Jack in some crazy adventure? Dream on Lona… Dream on.


End file.
